Rameses II. is sick and tired of crowded Cairo, he wants to set off for home

A commentary published in January 1999

All taxi drivers in Cairo are proud of it. "There you see Rameses II.", on their way from the airport to downtown Cairo they show the huge statue of the devine king (approx. 1279 to 1212 B.C.) displayed on the by him named square (see picture below) to every newcomer. But the colossi, knocked about by smog, shall move. But where? Over months expert are discussing the location controversily. Now the responsible council decided: The only right place is Mit Rahina. The ancient Egyptian capital of Memphis, where earlier the figure was discovered. A God wants to set off for home.

But before the sun god can start his journey back home, Mit Rahina needs to get a touristic upgrade. And: The problem of transportation has to be solved. Dr. Zahi Hawass, as the Director of the Pyramids Plateau of Giza also responsible for Mit Rahina (meanwhile he is the Secretary-General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities, the editors): "Only the army can handle this."

For our grief-stricken Rameses that probably means again: Waiting. But he feels spoiled about that. Therefore he contacted the magazine NIL EXPRESS to help him in pushing the officials to hurry up. Follow his royal message:

"Listen to my voice. To the voice of Rameses II., to the voice of the king of the kings. The voice of the pharaoh who rules Egypt for 66 years. Listen to the voice of the victor and peacemaker of Kadesh. To the voice of the biggest contractor of all times. The voice of the favorite and the embodyment of Amun-Ra. Listen to the cry for help of a devine king.

What did I do bad to you, that you want to keep me, an infirm old man, more longer in front of the railway station? O.k., I admit that in the beginning I was highly amused about the colourful teeming crowd, the hustle and bustle at the station square. Particularly if the most crafty crooks in town again sold the railway station, the mosque of Mohamed Ali or one of the other important buildings in Cairo to any Tom, Dick or Harry, I mean of course Ahmed, Mohamed or Mahmoud, from Upper-Egypt. Then my giant figure shook with colossus laughter.

But enough is enough! My laughing muscles still got a long way to grow tired. My feet are more shaky and my head is more doddery than ever. Stone cancer and the ravages of time are gnawing away at my body. Not to mention exhaust fumes, the noise from the streets and rattle of the trains.

Oh, please let me escape from this hell. Send me to Mit Rahina! Why on earth you are so ungrateful? I not donated to you enormous buildings, such as the temple complexes of Luxor and Abu Simbel or the Ramesseum? Not did I bequeath to you my huge colossis, spitting images of myself, which lure millions of tourists into the country year by year? Do you not yet make profit out of my building craze of former times? So I honestly ask you, why you are not afraid to take my nowadays fury?!

All of you know exactly that I have not had an easy time of it. One of my biggest statues, its weight was more than 1000 tons, its hight about 18 metres, made of grey granite stone, was damaged during the violent earthquake in 27 B.C. (From the editors: without any crowd you can view the upper part of the body, a lttle bit hidden in the area below the feet and hands of the statue, and in addition one of the best preserved portraits of the king, a beautiful head of black granite from Aswan in the Ramesseum. It is the amazing mortuary temple in Thebes West which is not frequently visited by tourist groups, see pictures right and down), others are bursted or have been demolished. My capital Memphis, once blessed with incredible wealth and glory collapsed, depraved inglorious, fell nearly in oblivion.

Do you think there was somehing left worth a visit, when I woke up after more than 1000 years of sleeping and looked around there? Nothing - I really saw absolutely nothing! I only found a sleepy and melancholy place. Mit Rahina, to where in respect of the former glory of Memphis from time to time some tourists find their way. Mit Rahina - in most of the printed tour guides it is only mentioned in passing.

But exactly to there, to Mit Rahina that is still untouched from environmental pollution, I want, no I will return, at least because of health reasons. And I want it right now! Also I am longing for my family. As you know my unprominent twin-colossus is there displayed in a happy sleeping but nearly forgotten museum.

Please notice: my patience really is finished! Long time enough I was put up with nonsense. But did I ever make a complaint? Did I ever pipe up my voice, when in Egypt cigarettes, a car, squares or several hotels all over the country are named by myself? Or you remember how I kept cool, when I heard that an ignorant American decorated a „birth control device“ with my royal name (after the discovery of the tomb of Tutankhamen in 1922 by Howard Carter and his patron Lord Carnarvon it is well-known that all around the globe a crazy Egyptomania took place. During this time there were sold condoms with the name "Ramses"; remark from the editors)? Can you beleave it, with the divine name of Rameses, with the name of the father of - as you are whispering - between 90 and 180 childreen (nobody knows the number exactly and I just cover myself in divine silence)! And always, I swear it to everybody, always I was very pround for my children, for my breeding, for my family.

Why the people do not look when visiting Luxor and Abu Simbel? There they can see all my beloved ones, they pleasantly are jumping on the reliefs and upon the toes of my colossis. And they also can see how many of my wives and my daughters in need of protection cuddle up to me mostly near my calf!

Anyway. I will continue to help you. With my name, with my buildings. But it is time for me to relaxe. Time to get away from that terrible and noisy station square. Time to set off for Mit Rahina!

Why you cannot be just a little bit friendly and fulfill this very small wish of mine - the immediate removal to Mit Rahina? You don't remember that I spare you since more than 3000 years from the curse of the pharaohs? You don't think that me, Rameses II., could not have punished all of you if I wanted? For example these doltish, overcautious priests, who do not beleave in my divine power. About 2000 years ago they really took my mummy - as well the mummies of my father Setoy I. and other famous pharaohs - away from the comfort of our magnificent burial chambers. Because they are afraid for tomb robbers they hide us in a poor mass grave (!) in Deir el Bahari.

With only one single handstroke I could have knocked down a rapacious clan (me, the living god, will not mention any name right here!) from the village Qurna? In the 70th of the 19th century this clan was dare to steel the most valuable jewelleries from our mummified bodies, and to sell it very cheap for just some Piasters on the black market of antiquities! But I did nothing bad, instead some years later I was very generous, allowed the archeologists to bring our royal mummies they discovered in Deir el Bahari without any problem from Upper Egypt to Cairo. Did I not see why it is more preferable for the royal mortal remains to be displayed in the air-conditioned mummy hall of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo than to stay in that shabby-looking mass grave in Deir El Bahari?

But now it's enough of lamenting, begging, beseeching and impending! Now it's time for a great rush! Therefore me, Rameses II., the king of the kings, the most powerful pharaoh of Egypt, although I am now an infirm and tired colossus, demand you for my removal. Ask you to fix a date in the year 1999. I´d appreciate it if it is the 21st of February or 21st of October. One of the annual days, when the rising sun sent the first rays through the gates and the columned hall of my rock temple in Abu Simbel to the holy of holies, light up the faces of my spitting image there, as well as of Amun-Ra of Thebes, Re-Harachte of Heliopolis and Ptah of Memphis. I would like to move to Mit Rahina on one of these days! Because after all I finally like to find there my deserving royal peace.“

(Source: "Nil Express", January 1999, meanwhile not longer published)

Rameses II. call for help finally got a hearing. However the decision in November 2002 was about another location. You can read about this subject in our section Egypt News.